I just got back from the cinema where I saw LaLa Land. I was very skeptical about this film, (I’m not a fan of musicals) but I can say that I liked it!
The general idea that emerges from this film is that you have to believe in your dreams “No Matter What! “. But there is a second general idea. An idea that may be less obvious but it touched me. This idea is that we are free from our choices. Free to answer this call, free to go to this appointment, free of … everything! .. I believe. Without revealing the story of the film, I identified myself with the characters, during the period I lived in London. I have never mentioned it here on the blog and this post will be the opportunity to tell you a little more of my story.
When I arrived in London in September 2006, with my two bags, it was only for a 3 to 6 month stay, I just wanted to improve my level of English. One month after I arrived, I met a boy with whom I got along well and although the future in London was still uncertain for me, I moved in with him two months later. Next door, I worked as a waitress in luxury hotels. And then one day I got a phone call from a ready-to-wear brand looking for a wholesale assistant and even though I did not know anything about the wholesale sales business, I was hired right away. As soon as I was awarded this contract, we were able to have a real life couple. To have dreams and projects in common while also cultivating our own dreams. For me, my life was by now in London. I loved (and I still love) this city, its sea air, life, people, the English countryside, the sea a 45 minute drive from London … I imagined having my children and living up to End of my days in England. He was a Private Driver on his own account. I think everything went wrong when one of his clients offered him to work as a Trader in one of the biggest international banks. The deal: being unattached (single), going to work everywhere in the European capitals following the contracts, working surely 16 hours a day, living in luxury hotels and making a lot of money. “A golden chance” that he refused to stay with me (and also because he felt the 2008 bankruptcy crisis arrive a few months later).
It was from that moment that he had a click. We had to work more to earn more so that we could afford a nice apartment for us (without any roommate!) and have our own family by the age of 30, one of his dreams. And as on my side, on the work level, there was nothing new, so he went to work seven days a week, working madly, and when I got up to go to work he went to bed. According to his calculations, we had to bear this impossible situation for a year, a year and a half, in order to save a maximum.
For my part, I was looking for a job more rewarding for me, I was continuing the job interviews to be a Lingerie Designer, my dream of the time … It was already a year that I sent my applications and that my interviews were without positives replies. I think I dropped my arms when the brand of my dreams, Agent Provocateur with whom I had interviewed to be a Junior Lingerie Designer, abused from its recruiting power. Wanting to make a good impression, I accepted that they make some photocopies of my portfolio (NEVER let anyone make photocopies of your book!) Big disillusionment, I did not have the job (and a few months after this appointment, I found my models for sale in their shop, modified just what it takes to avoid a lawsuit).
I was very frustrated at not being able to reach where I wanted to go professionally and I was feeling so bad about my couple who was no longer one, since I was finally living for a few months with a ghost passing in gale. In the end, I did not endure the situation in which I was and I left.
It was a very hard decision to take but I came back to live in Paris. And even though I was feeling so bad during the first year of my return (it does that to many people who have lived in London, apparently), I know by now that it was the best thing to do. For if I had not returned to France, I certainly would never have created my brand of lingerie, traveled as much as I did, met Paolo with whom I stayed 5 years, created this blog …
But tonight after watching Lala Land, I can not help myself but be a bit nostalgic (surely the pinch to the heart that all singles feel at one time or another) thinking “What if”… I had stayed in London, would I have finally managed to get the job that made me dream? And on a more personal level, it could have been me the mother of her 5 year old daughter.
Tell me, do you sometimes ask yourself this question: “What if ?”
To conclude this post inspired by the film Lala Land, I invite you to go see it because even if it is not the film of the year, it is a good movie.
I also advise you in another genre Nocturnal Animal from Tom Ford